Dating advice playing hard to get
Establishing a coy, flirtatious repartee I’ve many times employed the hard to get strategy myself, although I’m not sure how effectively. For example, are my current boyfriend and I together because I played hard to get?
He did, after all, initiate most of the milestones in our relationship (he asked me out on dates, said “I love you” first, started the conversation about defining our relationship).
Participants who were set up with women they were already interested in, found the hard-to-get woman more desirable, but participants who were set up with random women found the easy-to-get woman more desirable.
That is to say, playing hard to get magnified desire if it already existed in the first place — but it wasn’t able to create desire from scratch. ,’ and you move from being chosen (passive) to being the chooser (active).”When she put it that way, something clicked.
Curious what a relationship expert would have to say, I spoke with Monica Parikh, dating coach and founder of School of Love NYC. “But I do advocate developing a confident and detached style of dating.” When I asked her what she meant by detached, she said, “Detachment is the most important (and difficult) skill to master in dating. Maybe hard to get is best defined not as a sneaky strategy to feign disinterest, but as a manifestation of confidence and self-respect — and it ought to be deployed accordingly.
And, yes, we can choose to perceive it as an excuse; but I can tell you firsthand, I have been accused of playing hard to get or intentionally not being available when, in fact, I have been working 15-hour days.
It’s never going to be a put-off, but it’s not always going to be a successful strategy either.”When I asked a handful of female peers what they thought, my friend Eliza (age 25) beelined to the biggest potential pitfall of playing hard to get: “I believe it can be effective, but I’ve also had the problem where I play so hard to get that it seems like I’m disinterested even though I’m not.”Pippa, also age 25, agreed that playing hard to get only works if you don’t take it too far.
My mom, very much in love with my dad, told him she was moving home to Virginia.
It wasn’t true of course, she merely hoped it would compel him to ask for her hand in marriage posthaste, to get her to stick around. I was born two years later, and my parents are still happily married to this day.
Or are we together because we live in the same city, our personalities are compatible and we ended up liking and loving each other the same amount at the same time? It’s uncomfortable admitting I “played the game,” because it makes me feel like I perpetuated an archaic, perhaps sexist, system by sitting on my hands and letting a guy take the lead.
Then again, I’m passive by nature — my personality is conducive to hanging back a little — I don’t think gender alone dictated our roles.“Playing hard to get is…hard, but it works,” said Paul, age 24.
If I am speaking at an event or filming on set for 12 hours straight, I am not playing hard to get, but may not even have my phone to call or text you back, and I certainly don’t have time to see you for dinner that night. More and more women are uber focused on their careers.